Last summer, a group of Instafluencers rented a yacht and sailed it off the coast of Miami, FL. They planned to make content and increase their exposure through faux luxury. However, the party of twelve hadn’t anticipated bringing anything but their latest Temu swimwear and watered down vodka. After two days in the sweltering heat, they were dehydrated and considering calling for a Coast Guard rescue.

The holiday took a turn for the unexpected when off on the horizon a large ship was spotted. The group took turns shouting for help and waving down their seafaring neighbors. The mood quickly shifted from desperation to relief on the yacht as the ship turned in their direction.

However, the relief was short-lived when the bleary-eyed group of partiers found themselves at the hands of modern pirates. The influencers begged for their freedom in exchange for “exposure” as they listed out their grandiose number of followers in lieu of ransom demands.

“There are real life pirates,” said @ElioseTwilight, who insisted to only be identified by her Instagram handle. “I had no ideas those were – like – real! Who knew? But they smelled like Johnny Depp on a bender wearing Donald Trump’s diaper.”

The group was bound and held on the fishing ship as one of their abductors followed in the yacht. It only took two hours for the felonious pirates to return the influencers to land.

“Those people never shut up and they keep saying ‘hashtag’,” reported one of the pirates to the onlookers. “I have no idea what they are talking about!”

No charges were brought, but a new trend has popped up quickly on TikTok – instead of SWATing, influencers are trying to lure their foes to the open waters to be taken by pirates.