Two houses in strife. These two well-known religious sects have built a wall of humorless peril between them. No one on either side say when or if the tides of terror will subside. One foundation though is between these two strong pillars of religious history and virtue.

In a lone conference room at a Marriot at an anonymous location in Iowa sit the two factions on either side a long, heavily scratched table. Waying heavily in this room is the cynical natures of both sides. The Sardonic Sect leadership sits grim and stoic occasionally throwing a mocking smile to the collected gathering. Seated opposite, the Sarcasmic Sect is far more daring with their ironic mockery.

The Sardonist lead the conference with a quick introduction of their peace plan, “I know I wouldn’t have chosen a Marriot, but while we are here, we might as well talk about stuff.”

Rev. Joe Bluda reacted with a quick entreaty, “Ya, right! You want to talk about stuff!”

This quickly devolved to a series of quips regarding the overuse of overusing emphasis and how the ancient artifact of Seinfeld ruined both sects. Neither side wished to claim the artifact for their religious idolatry, but finally peace was secured when both parties reassembled in the parking lot of the Marriot to symbolic burn a Seinfeld DVD collection.

The ceremony concluded with both sides issuing the following statement: “I’m not saying Seinfeld was trash, since it recycled every joke ever told over and over again, but we are finally feeling clean again.”

At long last, the world can breathe a little easier with the end of this conflict. Amen.